I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize