When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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