He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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