My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
