i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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