no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
