My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
