failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
