I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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