do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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