My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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