Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
