i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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