he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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