Kiss
Puke
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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