i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
