I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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