he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
