Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
