I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
