i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
