Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
