Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
