I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
