I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
