There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
