I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm both gender and math confused
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize