remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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