So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
