What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't turn off my feet"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
