i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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