i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
