So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
