im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
