Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They took my balls.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
