Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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