I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize