Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
