some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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