She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
