My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
