How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
