i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
