i jhust puked up my retainher.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
