I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
