Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just tell him i said nine months
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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