proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we made out on top of his cat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
