i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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