So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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