it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
