So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
