if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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