We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
