i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
