the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
