Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
