My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had to cum in my sink.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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