Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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