How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
