i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
