he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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