I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
