I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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