You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
two words...techno handjob
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
