She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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