Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
