I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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