I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i will never coherently bang her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
