Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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